Thursday, 8 December 2011

Black Santro, Sleezy comments , sounds familiar ??

Ashutosh : A small town boy, with dreams to succeed in this Big City"
Where I live in Fatehgarh ( Uttar Pradesh ) is a very famous road of my town. Famous in a number of ways, one of them is that, it has many educational coaching centre’s, varying from high school to masters level. Because of so many young people around the place is a rather happening one.

I was standing in front of my house, waiting for my friend, just hanging around, Boys standing in groups of two and four, wearing stylish goggles puffing cigarettes and chewing pan masala, acting cool. On the other side a group of girls, may be a dozen returning home from the coaching classes, On two Scotties and eight or nine bicycles, and all of them walking slowly, cracking jokes and laughing and all. Suddenly a black Santro car sped towards the group, the driver applies brakes just in front of the girls, makes a cut, one of the many boys sitting inside the car says something to a girl, and the driver reverses the car and flee the spot with top speed. I saw the boys giving high five to each other inside the car. The girls were shocked but not afraid. Now the topic of their discussion changed to, who were they and how to teach them a lesson and how to avoid this in future? In a matter of minutes, mobile phones (which are one of the latest trends) were ringing everywhere. Boys were blaming each other, some were scolding the others and some were consoling them. In meanwhile the main accused were nowhere to there. What happened later I don’t know, but such a thing never happened again.

Now, what was that?

Just think about it.

Some thoughts came to my mind.

Girls can and should take stern steps to retaliate any attack either verbal or physical they should not keep it to themselves and speak immediately. Men as fathers and elder brothers can help the young of family by setting examples for them to follow by giving respect and care to their mothers, wives, sisters, and daughters. Family is an important institution parents as our guides.

Hope I could convey my thoughts and hope we can bring about change in these simple yet complicated relations.

This Blog is part of the Men Say No Blogathon, encouraging men to take up action against the violence faced by women. More entries to the Blogathon can be read at Join further conversation on &

Wednesday, 7 December 2011

‘मर्दों की एक ही जाति होती है...’

अरविंद दास : बिहार में जन्मे अरविंद दास मीडिया रिसर्चर और पत्रकार हैं! दिल्ली केंद्रीय ठीकाना!
फ़ैज़ अहमद फ़ैज़ की एक कविता की पंक्तियाँ हैं! बोल के लब आज़ाद हैं तेरे/ बोल जबां अब तक तेरी है...

मुझे यह कविता बेहद पसंद है! पर जब मैं अपने आस-पड़ोस और देश-दुनिया पर नज़र डालता हूँ तो वर्षों पहले लिखी ये पंक्तियाँ एक साथ कई अर्थ लेकर मेरे सामने प्रस्तुत होती है! इस कविता में एक ओर अपने समय का साक्षात्कार है तो दूसरी ओर सब कुछ कह देने का आवाह्न!

दक्षिण एशियाई समाज में हाशिए पर रहने वालों, विशेष कर स्त्रियों के लिए आजादी अब भी संविधान में लिखे ‘कुछ शब्द’ भर हैं! जबान हैं, पर कहने की आज़ादी कहाँ!

पिछले दशकों में मीडिया के मार्फत भारतीय समाज में अस्मिता विमर्श काफी सुनाई पड़ता रहा हैं! इस विमर्श में स्त्रियों के सशक्तीकरण, लैंगिक समानता की अनूगूंज हैं! पर यह विमर्श शहरी सार्वजनिक दुनिया (पब्लिक स्फ़ीयर) तक ही सीमित और सिमटी हुई दिखती है!

मिथिला के एक गाँव मैं मेरा बचपन बीता. उस सामंती समाज के ताने-बाने में स्त्रियों की दशा की ना तो कोई चिंता है और ना ही उसे तोड़ने की कोई पहल. गाँव छोड़ कर जो शहर आ गए और जिनके पास सांस्कृतिक पूंजी और साधन हैं, उनमें स्त्रियों के अधिकारों की चेतना आई है पर किस हद तक वह फलीभूत हो रहा है यह कहना मुश्किल है!

आजादी के 63 वर्षों के बाद भी उस समाज में सवर्ण स्त्रियों के लिए लैंगिक भेदभाव एक अभिशाप है, वहीं दलित स्त्रियों के लिए यह दोहरा अभिशाप!

मैं एक स्त्रीवादी (फेमेनिस्ट) हूँ और स्त्रियों पर होने वाली सभी प्रकार की हिंसा की घोर निंदा करता हूँ. पर जब मैं रोज़ स्त्रियों के साथ होने वाले हिंसा की खबरें देखता-पढ़ता हूँ तो सोचता हूँ कि कहीं ना कहीं इसमें मेरी भी भागेदारी है!

‘भारतीय समाज भले ही कई जातियों में बँटा हो पर मर्दों की एक ही जाति होती है’, मेरी एक दोस्त कहा करती थी. वह ठीक ही कहती थी...

This Blog is part of the Men Say No Blogathon, encouraging men to take up action against the violence faced by women. More entries to the Blogathon can be read at Join further conversation on &

Fight of living

Prajakta " I write my subjective view of life and do not mean to cause damage due to any inaccuracies in my writing and/or thoughts "
..It’s the electricity charging our lives to survive in a city like Mumbai. You can feel it when you just try to get into a local train at 8a m! There is always a buzz of an incessant struggle fueled by fear of the competition, driven against the sheer magnitude of people around us…

Personalizing violence and the reasons: I end up in a fight almost every day because it is otherwise impossible to go on as me if I do not raise my voice and tell someone to shut up or get out of my face/space. Our natural behaviour is not of herd mentality, it is to show our uniqueness. Even violence has that as a cause. Today we use ‘existence’ or ‘intellectual dialogue’ as a reason for our intolerant fits-may it be some incoherent rants about people from another region or a supposed nonviolent struggle against a bad government. Now, we all know that aggression is not a new emotion, it’s natural. As natural as our basic instinct to grope at the attractive, fire up our organs against that which is sexually stimulating and to use all physical strength to destroy that which we hold as our opponent.

I am sure that makes you red in the face thinking. “We are not animals! We are humans. We are better than that!” But really, are we? Who are we to claim ourselves above animals if we know-understand-witness right and wrong and still choose to walk away?

‘Gender based’ violence: You mean the beating, torturing, abusing, molesting, raping and killing of women by men and women both?

This is just a part of the whole; a part where the receiver of this violence happens to be a woman and not another man, a child or an animal. Yes, I do believe that the perpetrator does not have rational control over his/her actions in violence against another. A pre mediated crime of violence against a particular woman in a specific context is also such a crime. I do appreciate you trying to focus on women and violence against women, but to what extend?

Pressures are breaking backs and there will be a spark, a fight or a crime. I am not justifying crime. I am telling you that it is as natural as the good in world. Do you plan to eradicate Crime? This is a social reality, a problem with roots too deep not a disease with a miracle cure or vaccination. But we can resist violence or we can prevent it! Whose responsibility is it to be the agents of this change? The masses? Men? And out of that only a select few educated-conscious men who are strong enough to act? That’s a dangerously low number friend and being someone who has been there and taken it-am dubious. In a world of all inclusive, why start something exclusive? Are you proposing some distinctive actions that only men can perform and hence you have a separate blog for it? Or is it to make women aware that MEN are suddenly interested in saving us? I only do not understand the purpose of this exclusivity. I could engage further if it was action for all against violence against women!

What I want to suggest is to use preventive methods to aid someone in trouble, (if you are looking for a word of advice from someone who could not tolerate the dark side alone being a single woman, a social worker and having worked for a similar cause in Bundelkhand, Jhansi/Orccha).
  • Give aid to those who cannot help themselves. Make people aware of ‘violence’ and its repercussions to all of us.
  • ‘Mera kya jaata’ attitude will remain until and unless you cannot propose to show that the witnessed action could be curbed with the smallest interference
  • And by removing the fear of that violence being redirected towards the mediator/interferer.
Work towards making the government law enforcement agencies-agents and Social work groups CAPABLE of not only aiding those in need, but doing so keeping in mind that the one seeking aid is the victim requiring consistent counselling and care.

On a personal note, as a teacher my role is to then teach equality in gender and everything in and around it-BECAUSE it is the only source of a uniform, disciplined life skills training available to all. We can campaign, use media and make it known, make people aware of the consequences of their actions and never seize…

This Blog is part of the Men Say No Blogathon, encouraging men to take up action against the violence faced by women. More entries to the Blogathon can be read at Join further conversation on &

Monday, 5 December 2011

Same hurdles and obstacles...

Aprajita : an independent funloving quirky girl, going through a crazy world with a big smile on her face
In the year 1950, the Constitution of India came into existence and declared that men and women are equal and also prohibited any kind of discrimination against women...I mention this so as to ask what does this convey to you?

That men and women are equal? Is it not? really??? So then why this whole talk about emancipation and upliftment and rights of women!!! because the fact of the matter is that since then till now nothing has changed, same hurdles and obstacles....nothing much has been done, in this so called equal society women are being assaulted, molested, raped and abused and all this is being done in a way too casual manner..have we ever realised what is the real problem at the grass root level, well if you ask me, its not the men who need to be taught it’s the women who need to change.

NO battle was ever won by sitting and brooding at home, And yes the current society we live in is no less than a battlefield where we need to fight it out everyday, well not exactly with our kitchen knives or pepper sprays but with our smart wit, our sharp presence of mind and above all our courage, our courage to speak up, our courage to stand up for the women around us, our sheer courage to correct and teach our sons that how they should behave, if every wife resolves to tell her husband that she will not put up with his crap, if every girl friend turns around and tells her boyfriend that he is behaving like a jerk, if every mother(and i mention this in caps)teaches her son that he is/must treat women with respect, and if every sister can explain to her brother how humiliated she feels when she is letched at or when the boys in the neighborhood or his friends pass lewd remarks at too are sensitive creatures, it is just that we let them go astray, and the reason for that is our faulty education wherein we as women are taught early in life that our greatest worth in the world is HOW WE SOOTHE....and we tend to take this way too literally, tell me honestly all you women, how many times has it happened with you that you have found yourself in struggling situations ,where people were being unreasonable, crossed a line, but you instead of putting an end to it, of making a noise about it, choose to put up with it, kept quiet about it, instead kept shoving your hand saying Here! Here! Here! With plain desperation in your voice.......WAKE UP!!!!!

No you are not super heroes sworn to serve, and yes you have a choice, we all do...We all, each one of us are powerful in our own ways, we all in our small and little ways can make a difference..we dont always have to look for a support system, rather we can be somebody’s support, so next time when your maid comes home and tells you that her husband beats her up, don’t just listen to her tale with mock interest rather collect ten people from your neighborhood and go and confront that man, this is just an example...If we all do our bit only then this concept of "one voice" will be achieved.....Having a safe society for women is not an unachievable task, it’s just that men are way too casual and women way too scared...SPEAK UP AND LOUD!

This Blog is part of the Men Say No Blogathon, encouraging men to take up action against the violence faced by women. More entries to the Blogathon can be read at Join further conversation on &

Friday, 2 December 2011

The more I Understand , The more I want to Change !

Vikram ' Trying to understand the reasons for Gender based violence and trying to change mind sets '
This is my first attempt at writing a blog piece .I am Vikram Sheoran, working as a web manager in CSR. I have completed my master’s in computer administration from Hisar, Haryana. I started my career as a web developer 4 year ago.

When I started work in Delhi I never tried to find anything other than a desk job. Me , my desk , my machine coding and decoding the world wide web. I joined Centre For Social Research in the beginning of 2010. I started working as a developer. I didn’t know that what exactly is CSR did ? I didn’t even know that what NGO’s do?

After spending 6 months , I started realizing the hardships faced by women in Delhi. Why Delhi is called crime capital? What is eve teasing, Domestic Violence, Female Foeticide? And most importantly what is Gender? I got to know why people say Delhi is not safe for women. Although I had heard about these issues in news papers so many times, I never reacted.

Gradually I realized how big these problems are. CSR is the place where I learnt how important GENDER sensitization is? I have seen so many cases in CSR where women come with their problems. How they are facing these problems? All I can say that now I understand a bit of these issues.

Sometimes I participate in gender training in corporates/slums/schools. During these trainings we talk about various social evils like domestic violence, eve teasing, dowry, female foeticide and many others. Whenever I get a chance I talk about these problems. I have joined many demonstrations for women rights and eve teasing.

I feel there should be strict law ,strong bills and their implementation to ensure women feel safe and secure in their homes ,social and professional spaces.

This Blog is part of the Men Say No Blogathon, encouraging men to take up action against the violence faced by women. More entries to the Blogathon can be read at Join further conversation on &

Thursday, 1 December 2011

Man enough to love a woman then be a man and respect a woman!

Raja Sharma : "An honestly simple yet complicated entertainer trying to figure out the paradox of our times "
Varanasi - New Delhi - Bombay. The three cities which I connect to and have spent almost equal amount of my 27 years of life. And whenever asked by even the marathi speaking dons of bombay(i mean c’mon its bombay not mumbai) i have always said the samething: Banaras mein Dhaam hai, Bumbai mein kaam hai lekin Dilli Meri Jaan hai.....and the words have barely left my tongue in the proudest of baritones my throat can create that i am almost looked down upon for associating myself with so much passion to a city known more for shutting down by 8pm than even the corrupt politicians that have made it their head quarters.

Yes the Capital is not safe!

And yes its because of most us. Lighting a candle in protests is good but thats not really the solution. A march or a protest for a rape victim who has even lost her life to the hooligans that walk the street is a sign of showing your support towards the victim. iss tareekay sey hum bimaar ka ilaaj kar rahein hain, bimaari kaa nahin!

Even Bombay or a Pune at times is not safe. But there is never a sense of fear amongst the ladies in these cities to take a walk past 11 pm.

Everytime a jerk letches at a G.K. 1 M-block market dont ignore him.....dont go fight him(though that would fix all the problems...but gandhiji wouldnt like it J )...i say letch back..make him embarrased. I know its always easier said then done...but i see it here in bombay. No one dares to treat a girl in a market space in such a manner.

Lets not forget even the pujaari's in the temple often suggest ki MAATAA KI pooja karo. For the simple reason that maataa ko manaanaa asaan hai, bajrang bali ko nahin.

So please..if you are man enough to love a woman then be a man and respect a woman! And if I have failed to make my point clear then in pure and simple words : A Safer city is a Sexier City !!

This Blog is part of the Men Say No Blogathon, encouraging men to take up action against the violence faced by women. More entries to the Blogathon can be read at Join further conversation on &