What Witnessing Domestic Violence Does To A Child

By Vani, Intern – Bell Bajao

When children see some female member being physically abused, it almost invariably has a very strong effect on them. There is of course, the impact of seeing violence at close quarters, being inflicted on someone they love (perhaps a mother or a sister). This could result in a whole lot of nasty side effects such as paranoia and general wariness, guilt and self blame, and a feeling of being trapped. Chances are that the child’s attitude will also seriously suffer, towards women in general, and the victim in particular. The child may believe that it is the victim’s fault if she is abused, and that it is perfectly permissible to physically abuse women as their father or some other male relative is doing it without any apparent guilt or fear of being caught.

Since violence against women is so prevalent in our country, children belonging to families in nearly all economic groups are liable to witness it either in their own homes or in the homes of friends and relatives. And since women don’t stand up for themselves, whether out of fear for the consequences or because they feel they deserve what they get, or even because they’re embarrassed, children (particularly younger ones) begin to feel that there is nothing wrong with what they see. And when (and if) education catches up with them, they find it difficult to shake the attitude ingrained in them at an impressionable age. And others feel that if the previous generation could get away with it, why can’ they.

In a lot of cases of domestic violence, children aren’t just passive witnesses. They are forced to become active participants too. In some cases it might be suggested that their bad behaviour serves as an excuse to abuse their mother. In some cases, children might even be encouraged to join in the abuse. During certain incidents children may even try to protect the person being abused, which could result in their punishment by the abuser.

Even if domestic abuse takes place behind closed doors and the child is not witness to any physical act, it can have a huge impact on the child’s life. If the mother decides to go in for a divorce, prolonged custody battles, parents fighting over who gets to keep the child (or worse, who doesn’t want the child) can lead to emotional stress and trauma. Even if the mother puts up with the abuse and stays married, chances are the home atmosphere becomes one of fear, worry, guilt and even anger.

At the end of the day, one thing seems glaringly clear, while there is domestic violence going on at home, it will have a significant effect on the psychological make-up of the child and may even alter the child’s character in the developmental stage. The obvious, but under-implemented solution to this problem is; end domestic violence at once. Women should be told to stand up for themselves and to have enough faith in themselves to walk out of an abusive relationship. And above all, the mindset that encourages domestic violence and the vicious cycle that leads to its propagation must be phased out. Children learn by example, and while they witness physical violence at home and observe the victim’s acceptance of it, they will continue to believe that domestic violence is perfectly justified, and we will get a new generation of aggressive abusers and submissive victims.

Silence Supports Violence, speak out loud against Rape!

By Ranjani Raghunathan, Intern – Media & Communication Division

On Tuesday, 13th March 2012, we all got up to the news of a woman pub employee in Gurgaon, gang raped while on her way back home from work. It bothered all of us, but most of us, shrugged it aside. Delhi NCR has become notorious for rape- what can really be done? thought most of us.

The youth of Delhi NCR however, thought differently. They didn’t see the rape as just an incident of crime; what they saw was a shocking reflection of the society as a whole, where pulling a woman out of a car and raping her is so very easy, and for that same woman to get justice, is tremendously difficult. Tuesday saw a host of angry Twitter conversations, blog posts, Facebook statuses and SMSes, which gained further momentum after Deputy Commissioner of Gurgaon PC Meena stated that women employees in Gurgaon should stop working after 8 p.m. This prompted Must Bol, a youth initiative, to do something concrete. Says Manak Matiyani of Must Bol “The news and the reaction of the police angered me, and I knew that something had to be done. The first step was to express solidarity, and gather people.” So the idea of a march was floated, organizations such as Halabol, Jagori, Breakthrough and CSR joined in, and spread the word across social media. The result? Close to 250 people from Delhi NCR gathered at Sahara Mall, Gurgaon on Wednesday evening, to express solidarity for the rape victim, and to protest against the increasing rise of rape in the country.

The march comprised of many people from various walks of life & it also included nongovernmental organizations. Rape is not just a gender issue, or an issue which affects only women- it is a social issue, and affects each and every one of us. Rape doesn’t see class or caste boundaries, or what you are wearing, or where you are working; it can happen to anyone, any time, yes even before 8 p.m. And even if it has never happened to any of us, or someone we know, the fear of rape is deep ingrained in each one of us.

The people gathered at Sahara Mall on Wednesday evening, weren’t protesting for something magnificent- they were not anti-government, nor did they ask for any change in government policies. All they wanted to convey was that it shouldn’t be this easy to rape a woman, to violate her rights. Says Matiyani, “We wanted to get across the point that the police needs to prevent and stop these things. There has to be a fear of punishment, which can only happen if the police stands up. There has to be greater security.”

Where does this movement go from here? Matiyani says that many groups in Gurgaon, such as Gurgaon Walkers, Gurgaon Moms, have gotten mobilized, and want to follow up on this case, and the larger issue of security, further. A few more protests and sit-ins are planned. The people are very angry and it is important that this anger is communicated effectively and strongly to the stakeholders who can really make a difference. But in addition to this, a change needs to be brought about in the attitudes of people- that rape is NOT okay and that NO woman asks for it, regardless of what she’s wearing or where she’s working, or what time she leaves office. When a single woman is raped, its the society at large which gets wounded. And it’s high time we as a nation realize the extremity of the situation at hand and work against it in every manner possible.